I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
