Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
