**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
