I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
should my penis look like a turkey
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
