Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
