if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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