She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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