It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
