I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
