he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
