Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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