At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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