I got chris browned last night
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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