He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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