Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
