Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
