Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
