cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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