I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
