why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As shirtless as possible
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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