I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
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youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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