be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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