explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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