The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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