dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
