"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
