it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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