I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
