i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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