Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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