Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He did a backflip because drugs
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