I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
