ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
