By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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