i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
