I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
