she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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