Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
