i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
