For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Success! We fucked roommates!
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