I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
