i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have fence marks all over my body
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
