Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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