community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
