His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
