I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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