Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want nice things and good sex
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
