Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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