please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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