Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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