the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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