My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
