So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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