Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
