took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
