I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
