the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
