IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
