I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
