Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You ruined the universe
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
