YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
