He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
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I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
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Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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