she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
