Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
