I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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