We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
