Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
