so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
