and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
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I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
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We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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