he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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