i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i need some magic done to my vagina
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
