One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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