Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
