Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize