Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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