Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
