Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
