So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
