only if we run a train.
done.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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